As the night unfolds
In these waves of darkness
A hundred stories untold
Beyond the flowing brook
I see a silhouette dance
Why should I look-when it can’t be you?
And yet I steal a glance
Far from my view, the moon shines bright
And yet deep down there ain't any light
Within me so much gloom
Eyes searching for my shiny armored knight
In the deepest and darkest time
You have always been mine
Then why today?
You choose to leave me,
And let the loneliness shine
You dint teach me to be alone
And now I stand here on my own
Waiting in the ever pouring rain
Wanting to wash away my pain
The long wait when finally paid
You came through that door, I let out a sigh
Touched my face and gave that smile
And turned around…for the final good-bye?
My eyes still on that door
With that touch, my life started to soar
Your image I shall never forget
I lived my life in that very moment!!!
We have done a myriad of ingenious exercises so far in the course of the class…but there’s this one… so close to my heart…I am compelled to write about it. This one not only opened the knowledge doors to the art of controlled behavior and creating story from still poses, but touched my soul in an inexplicable way and also gushed a thousand feelings at the same time.
My very wonderful teacher has christened it as “the puppet and the puppeteer exercise” – where each one gets a chance to be the puppet and the puppeteer.
The puppeteer’s task is to bring their puppets to life, every single part to life and modeling the puppets in such a way so as to create a story.
When the puppet, you are a piece of clay with no brain, no imagination of your own. Just a still body for your puppeteer to model. As a puppet you have no sense of what next, no thought to be acted upon. Just be still and let your puppeteer move, carve, model you… every part of your body is in control of the puppeteer. Every finger…every toe…body posture...facial expression!!
The task of the puppeteer is more complex as it involves a lot of imagination, pliancy and creativity. Even though it has a nice ring to it and sounds cool – the result was no surprise when the teacher surveyed on which of the two parts was more liked.
Think about it – which one would you like?
Being the puppet won the round !!!
Each day, each moment we are in a roller coaster of thoughts, fighting to keep up with the competition, trying to be creative in thoughts, actions, projects…every place that we find ourselves in. So a simple break from the routine, to just be and relax its nothing but a much delightful break. And the outcome is anyways something so beautiful you’re your being a part of that creation is satisfying anyways.
Besides the chance to do nothing and just enjoy the exercise – there was something else I experienced. With soft music in the background ,eyes closed and the realization that you being molded into some beautiful creation has such positive vibes to it, that I (don’t know how to say it), but felt an inner connection with myself. Such calmness on the outside and so many visions unseen, so many echoes rising from inside - something that I haven’t experienced in a long time and it almost brought tears to my eyes.
I’d just say - try this exercise with your friends, siblings, family – put on each role (of the puppet and the puppeteer) and experience this wonderful joy ride.
So again coming back to my last week lunch - we were just talking about some of our incidents - good...bad...ugly... and it struck to me that there a few things - big and small that I've done and cant believe that I actually did them.
So here goes my quick list of five...with no specific order of preference..or asininity.. or smartness...
1) Last week after coming out of the shower, I realized , there was a crust of nail polish that was peeling off my nails which have been shouting for a manicure from the last month .(Also note here, that I have a habit of applying a delicious(lavender) toner after a face wash )So I decided to cater to it and took a cotton-ball and opened my acetone(nail-polish remover) bottle. The toner thing is so etched into my system, that mechanically, I dabbed the cotton ball dripping with acetone on my face. And ouchhhh... it hurts..it stings...it burns...I screamed with pain...when the acetone touched the arrant pimple on my chin...
and to punish me for my lack of attention... i still have an ugly red scar on my chin that sits there to tell the story of my stupidity :(
2) today morning... quick and un-deemed one : was talking on the phone with mom- getting into the car - one leg inside and the other dangling out - i closed the door - totally unconscious and oblivious - bearing the brunt of unsuccessful effort of multitasking ... and now trying to hide a big purple-black clot on my knee
3) now this one's one of my favorites... and its really hard to believe that (let alone me...be it anyone ) could have the audacity to do this...
Its during one of my engineering exams...this paper was one of the toughest i have ever written.. so tough that i remember reading the paper atleast 10 times, in hope to find a question that I could remotely answer...the students sitting in the first few seats had actually started discussing the question ( the examiner dint seem to mind it )...but he was standing just next to me ( last row...last bench...so that he could properly supervise the class? )... towards the end of the exam i was so overcome with paranoia...that I very innocently told the examiner " sir...can I please copy the last question"
i think..he couldn't believe it either....hahaha
4) now i have acrophobia... and moreover...i cant cant cant sit in rides that go up just for that funny feeling in your stomach...but with a lot of pushing and confidence building... i have a feather in my hat - I have let myself go through the amazing experience of paragliding. Although I kept my eyes closed throughout the flight :) - i have to admit that i absolutely loved it... and cant promise if I can do it ever again or not !!!
5) and this one... i cannot stop talking about...sometimes even in the same conversation i find myself saying this... ...... .... i have a tattoo.. no no no... i have twoooo !!!
This one finds a place in my this list because... I am so so so so scared of needles that once when I had to take an anesthesia injection for a small incision in my foot - the doctor had to call the shrink on duty - because I was apparently a case of "serious-needle-phobia".
When I decided that I wanted one( that was a sudden decision- got up - decided i "had" to have one )...I was as scared as I was excited.. but with a lot of convincing from Amit and watching him go through it first ... I finally gathered the grit to get those needles pierce through my dermis.
For the second one... I was equally scared as I was for my first one...again A comes into the picture...convinced me how beautiful my first one looked...and reminded me how much I wanted this one... and I gotttt it :)
By the way... did I mention - I have two tattoos ;)
If I write about our relation, I could never do justice to it.
She has been a part of everything I have done in my life. Taking me to nursery school and standing, waiting outside for me, so I am not alone in the new environment. One of my most cherished experiences is Mummy coaching me for my elocution competition…for the “haan maa yehi kahahi” ( yes Mother! That’s the story ). In sync, both of us would say each line and mummy teaching me to tug my dress and give that am, extra stress on which word. Each exam, each competition, I owe my winning to mummy and she taught me to take the defeats in my stride too. She would gouge the old-paper mart to collect the slightest information for my history projects. For each fancy dress competition, she would scour each shop to get the best dress.
When in college, my mom became my best friend ( and she still is ) . There is no better shopping partner than my mom. She could spend all day with me looking for the dress I want and come back again the next day. Listening with interest about my crushes and all gossips about people she doesn’t even know or will ever meet.
Mummy has spent sleepless nights with me being awake when I study for an exam and with equal anxiety has waited for the results. She cries with me when I cry and feels happier than me, when I am happy.
I totally agree that “Because God could not be everywhere – He made the Mother”
Infact , I think it’s even a better deal…because I know my Mom is there with me all the time. I know I can call her at any time of the day or night… and just talk to her…be it about nothing. The very fact that “Mummy is there” is more support for me than anything. One single urgent call from me…and mummy would run from end of the house to another …and now I know…she will do the same from end of the world to the other.
We are worse than a couple having a relationship on the rocks. We fight and break-up every day and without making up the next day – we are gossiping about the neighbors or discussing about the new dress on sale.I know at times I am very rude to momma, but she doesn’t mind it…and doesn’t want me to go blah-blah over the justifying act. She believes in and has taught me too – that you don’t need justify to or expect justification from the person you love.
She has faith in me, even when I have given up. She encourages me to aim for the stars and thinks of me as the best-in-everything person :) Mummy….
She is my friend….confidant…my guide…my bridge…my confidence…my cushion to fall back on… my gossip girl…my shopping partner… my book club… my idol…see I could go on and on if I start to talk about my mother.
I have inherited so much from her –how could I not…I am a part of her .I know, her life revolves around her two children and hubby…and she has sacrificed so much – never wanting anything in return. I don’t know what I could be without my Mom. I can’t ever thank her as it will be too low and lose all meaning…. but Mummy, I just want you to know that all times, every moment, I love you and you mean everything to me. You are my world.
It’ll be a lie – if I say that I pray for everyone to get a mom like my mom. Because I want it to be the only unique relation in the world…the most precious …the most beautiful.
When I walked in that room, my mind was inundated with a gamut of emotions. So much apprehension, nervousness and ya that accent-complex! Being the only one of color (no I am not being racist or color-prejudiced), but it would have been solacing to see someone with a remotely similar accent or rather a different one than everyone else.
But anyways, one of the panoramas of emotion that I was experiencing was excitement- because I have always wanted to do this. Infact, when I came out of my mother’s womb, I was marinated with this and each thing I do/speak/think has a flavor of this in it. And that spice is ACTING.
Everyone who has been even in a seconds-contact with me can corroborate for me saying that ACTING is me. I am no pro-no professional-no star-no actor. Having being tagged as “Nautanki” by almost everyone, it can be safely concluded that every bone, muscle and nerve in my body loves to act.
By acting, I do not mean being pretentious…it’s just the dramatic and histrionic way of how I love to deliver. Be it some hand gesture, or facial expression or even a voice-modulation. Until and unless, there is some form of thesp involved, I feel insatiated about my message.
This acting class is my getaway from reality to fantasy and therefore into the reality of my being. Each exercise done,is a bundle of teachings and a profusion of intricacies of this wonderful art. Recreating your own behavior or recreating the story of a second person, reacting on instinct or the expanding and contracting of self – there’s so much to learn from each of these exercises.
I have to mention that the role of the teacher in every aspect of your learning stage is so important. My very wonderful teacher - Ms.Susan, can so adroitly make us so effortlessly do the concentration exercises and with equal ease, get the create the story ones. I have learned a new outlook on introducing ourselves as a means of transferring energy to one-another and it seems amazing.
There is so much to look forward in this class, that it will be a sin if I complain about the stress of hunting for an available parking spot in downtown Boston. I am so glad that I am doing something that I have always wanted to learn and do.
We get busy with work, earning money, fulfilling duties, shouldering responsibilities – and most of the time, our passions are sent on a back burner. It is necessary that we explore our inner-selves and do those things along with the mandatory ones – because they complete us. I feel complete after performing at an exercise in class , or even by melodramatically enacting a recent incident.
Its never too late to explore the passions within us and bring them to the fore-front.
It definitely makes a difference !!!